Thursday, February 9, 2017

Nothing to do with miniatures - read at own risk!

I have had an awful 6 months, dealing with the loss of my little princess Tilly. It follows about 6 years of being bored and miserable in my employment. Also, I am really bad at sleeping. This morning I took a walk as soon as I woke up as a pamphlet about sleep habits says it's really useful for getting into good sleep patterns and reducing depression. I have known for years about blue light and orange light and patterns due to seeing a sleep specialist but I guess I just get lazy. I wonder "why bother?". Then today I said mean things about an overweight woman I saw with a respirator. I was sitting here, enjoying a Friday afternoon vodka (apple! Mmmm!) when I realised that part of the self-hate, misery thing is probably partially due to my judgement of others and myself. I know how hard it is to lose weight. I am not fat, but I have a higher body fat percentage than I'd like. I have made the new year's resolution for the last few years to not judge people, and I largely kept that up, but I didn't make a resolution this year. I think I need to commit to that again this year - to not judge others and also not judge myself. I don't know that lady's circumstances. I know life can be really hard. I know that bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people. I don't even know what triggered this thought process. All I know is that I need to change my thoughts and be happier. Anyone got something they'd like to say? Any resolutions you'd like to try out, even though we're in February?

24 comments:

  1. Dear Shannon, This year I resolved to actually know the date. Now I know this seems simple but a year or so ago I was out with my Mother to lunch and she took a little turn. I rushed her to the local clinic and the doc proceeded to ask her questions like: What year is it - that was a cinch for me - what day is it- got that one - what is the date? Mmmm - that was harder . Then - who is the prime minister (of Australia- mmmmmm). I actually do not know I thought. My Mother answered all the questions correctly. Doc could then take her descriptions of her conditions and medications seriously.
    I decided I should make a resolution to be more aware - so knowing the date was a beginning of that commitment of being more aware.
    I'm trying and I now know the Prime Minister of Australia's name and of course I always knew the Canadian PM.
    I think being accepting of those around us as they are allows them to shine in their own way.
    It is so true that we do not know what has happened in the lives of others - just sometimes they give us the gift of sharing their lives with us.
    Thinking of you and hoping the sun will shine on you.
    Regards Janine - presently in Qld

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    1. Thanks Janine, and that is a great but also very challenging resolution. It's so easy to get so focused on what is happening in your own life that you miss what is going on around you. I think many of us are guilty of looking and not seeing, or listening without hearing. And regarding the PM, to be fair, we have had so many prime minister changes in the last 10 years, it's not surprising that no-one can keep up! Let's not even go into the fact that Trump doesn't even know the name of the prime minister and thinks he's actually a president.

      Thanks for sharing your story. I hope that you have a great break and that you are enjoying the Queensland heat. Cheers, Shannon xx

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  2. The first way to change something is to recognize that it is a problem. So you are off to a good start. Also, I do think one crabby thought leads to another, then another and so on. Funny how it takes a bit more effort to make happy thoughts to multiple but once you are turned on to making a effort to keep them going it gets easier. It is a bit like exercise. Muscles to be toned.
    You are on a good path!

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement Lisa! Yes you are so right that these things snowball. I hadn't thought about it like that. I also had the thought to say one nice thing about myself every day, although I am sure it will feel forced and weird to start with! I feel silly to be sad when my life is actually pretty great (other than my dog dying). I guess you let one thing get you down which starts a bit of a spiral as they say. Onwards and upwards, right? Xx

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  3. Hey Shannon,
    My resolution was to try and get healthier, mentally, physically and emotionally because they all feed on each other. And to try to enjoy my life. Not feeling guilty because I haven't accomplished something or I don't do what 'everyone' thinks is important.
    It's harder than you'd think. We tend to judge others, but we can also be very judgmental about ourselves. So I'm trying to give myself a break, without giving in to the temptation to become sloth-like due to inactivity.
    So I guess the best resolution is to try and love myself a little more.

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    1. Hello Sheila. That's a great and heartfelt resolution. You are so right that everything is interlinked - physical, mental, emotional. We are all complex systems! It is hard to motivate yourself for things like exercise though. I find writing a plan helps, sticking it to the fridge. If you have an Xbox with Kinect, I find Dance Central a really fantastic and fun way to exercise. And I think when you make positive changes and start seeing the benefits, it becomes easier to keep going and make good decisions. Thankyou for sharing. It seems we are all probably a little too hard on ourselves. Xx

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  4. Shannon,

    One of the hardest things I've strived to do in recent years is not judging. It's actually very difficult! It started when I had my little one, and realized women judge each other terribly and in turn treat ourselves terribly too. I recently added to the equation (when I start to judge) an additional question, why am I judging them? It's usually a reflection on something I'm unhappy about in myself. And that reality sucks. Lol. But it's enlightening because then it gets me thinking about bringing a positive thought or change idea into my head. I've also pushed myself to be more charitable. Simple kind acts like baking cookies for a neighbour, helping someone with a door, asking a new mom how she is feeling, etc. I've found putting the focus on others has greatly improved my world. That said, don't start judging yourself for judging people or judging yourself for "failing". It's a challenging resolution!!! In my humble opinion, your post sounds like you're looking for more happiness and light in your life. I encourage you to push yourself to try something new!
    Have you considered teaching a mini class at a retirement home? Or a mini class somewhere like a library or community centre? It would blend your talent, your mind and get you more connected with yourself and those around you.

    The hardest step is the first step. I hope my ramblings show you that you're not alone. But I think this post shows your ready to bring that change into your life! Xxxoo Kat

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    1. Hi Kat. You are right I think, we judge others on the same things that we feel are wrong with us. Perhaps it's a weird form of kinship?? I hope not! Haha! And I agree that pushing the thought from your mind and replacing it with a kind thought is the way to get off the hate treadmill. I talked to a career transition counsellor a couple of times and he said you need to push the constant brain chatter and old thoughts out in order to allow new ideas to form. And he was right. He also said what you are saying - to try new things. That was why I took up painting classes. I am still not good at receiving praise but I am working on it! Thanks for sharing Kat. Xx

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  5. Hi Shannon - It is when we are in a bad place ourselves that we look at the world with a critical eye. Don't beat yourself up too bad.
    I'm not sure where you fall with regard to faith, but let's just say that most faiths encourage us to love one another. Why? It's because we are all on different learning paths, and all at different points in our spiritual growth. Some people have not come to realize yet whatyou already know at the core of your being.
    My faith teaches us that it is important to love a person exactly where they're at. This is tricky, but you'll find that the more acceptance and less judgement that you direct towards others, the more you end up loving and accepting yourself. You spread good things at the same time that you are healing your own wounds.
    The fact that it bothers you is important. You are ready for the next level of love. A deeper one with a whole new meaning. The next time you are in a situation where a person's condition makes you angry or critical, think of them as a child who does not have the wisdom about that thing that you do. Instead of judging, say a little positive prayer for them, then be grateful that that is not a lesson that you are having to walk through.
    Big hugs to you! You are not a bad person, you are just one who is becoming wiser!
    Jodi

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    1. Thanks Jodi, and you are very right. I am not religious, but everything you say about loving and accepting people is right. I will work on accepting others as they are and myself too. I know no-one is perfect, but I need to remember that I do good things, even if occasionally I do the wrong thing. We are all just people aren't we? Some people probably just need a little more love in their lives and a kind word or gesture might be just what they need. Thanks for your understanding. Xx

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  6. Hi Shannon
    I think that it has taken a lot of inner courage to be able to write this post. It is not always easy to admit our own failings to ourselves, let alone publishing it on-line, so I am giving you a virtual High Five for having taken the risk.
    I too have an inherent judgmental streak running through me and a quick temper too. I feel like I am constantly fighting my way upstream against my own controlling nature, which takes an enormous amount of energy to sustain. So my Resolve is to TRY and not let Little Irritations fester under my skin, as well as to try to be more understanding regarding the motives of others.
    My ultimate goal though, is to try to think More as Jesus would; which for me is a daily challenge, however just as you've said, "changing our thoughts" will allow us to "be happier".
    Thank You for this post!

    elizabeth

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    1. Thanks Elizabeth! High five gratefully accepted and returned! I wondered whether I should post this, but then I just needed to get it out. With all the amazing comments, I am starting to wonder why we are all so judgemental. Is it symptomatic of modern society? Are we all so competitive that we start judging others? Or are we glorifying others, thinking they are more "perfect" than they really are? I don't know. I agree that we need to try to understand people a little more and acknowledge that we're all different. I think I should think less in general! Haha! Have a great weekend! Xxx

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  7. Hey honey!
    Don't beat yourself up. Life is tough enough without adding more pressure.
    I gave up on resolutions years ago in a bid to reduce the self inflicted disappointment I'd feel shortly after making them!
    Perhaps it's more common with us "creative types", to be overly critical at our own work, and thus, at ourselves? We know in our minds eye the perfection we wish to create but when there's a bump in the road it gives us a temporary sense of release to exhale and throw some criticism at others, regardless of their affliction. The guilt swiftly follows and thus the circle is complete - you're own frustrations are thrown back at you. None of us have the answers, just our individual experiences. BUT, always remember, despite physical distances and even those created in this modern world of hitech communications, we're all the same, and we all care. To be honest, I marvel at your honesty and courage to post this. Stay strong - tomorrow is another day.
    HUGS

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    1. Hi Si. I am overwhelmed with the support from my dear readers, and it is interesting that so many others have the exact same issues. Is it partially to do with our modern, competetive world? I do think you are right that we strive for perfection but aren't happen when we think we've fallen short. I set me resolution as I find I keep it in the forefront of my mind that way. I don't make any that are unachievable and I try to make only one or two. Thanks for the encouragement and support! Hope you are having a great weekend. Xx

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    2. I agree, I'm sure it has something to do with this competitive world we live in. Every social media platform has a degree of competitiveness built into it, as does our chosen hobby, to some degree. this, combined with our own harsh self criticism make for a tricky playing field. I think if we were all as open as you we'd be hard pressed to say we hadn't done the same thing at one time or another.
      We're having a great weekend, thanks. We have snow so we're watching the birds feed and reading.
      Try and switch off for a bit and allow yourself some time to relax.
      Hugs xx

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    3. People are people at the end of the day, and we all have short-comings and make mistakes. Learning to move on is the key! Finding something else more productive to think about helps. Like minis! Haha! Sounds like a lovely weekend. It is Monday here again, so back to work. I got our laundry tidied and sorted out a bit, which was a big relief! It was a mess. Xx

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  8. I have been doing a lot of meditation in the past few months. That has made me realized that every time I am critical of someone it is something I need to work on myself. So, I am now focusing on improving myself.

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    1. I think this is the key - focus on ourselves, and trying to take positive action to change the way we treat ourselves. I must try meditation. And maybe yoga. Lots of people have suggested that to me as well. Take care and keep up the good work!

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  9. Sleep issues, depression, self hate, trouble keeping weight down.... Those are classic symptoms of being insulin resistant. Treat that and the symptoms will go away because your body chemistry will have come back into balance. Talk to your doctor about treating that condition.

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    1. Hi Karin. I think I have had diabetes tests in the (fairly recent) past but will check next time I see a doctor. I have had sleep tests and I have restless leg. And I think about stuff during the night. If I stick to a routine, I am much better, but I get lazy. I have had trouble since I was about 16, which is apparently pretty common. But thanks for the heads up, I'll follow it up. Xx

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  10. Shannon, la vida a veces es dura de llevar, y cambia nuestros planes por unas razones u otras. Yo solamente trato de llevar lo mejor posible cada día, y como propósito, hacer SIEMPRE alguna miniatura. Para mi son medicina y golosina, y me ayudan mucho en los malos momentos...Un beso

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  11. Hi Maria. I agree - focus on one day at a time! I always have good intentions of doing some minis or sewing but sometimes I am just too tired. But when I do get started, even if I am tired, I find it very therapeutic. I forget about life for a little while and it helps to make something beautiful at the end of a day. Xx

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  12. Hi Shannon,
    Clicked on your BLOG link from the forum. I struggle with the same issues you described. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your struggles. Sleep deprivation is an ugly monster, but it is good that you walked and got some fresh air.

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    1. Hi Carrie. Thanks for taking the time to comment and I am sorry you deal with the same problems. Tiredness can really make it hard to cope with everyday stresses and it can be really hard to maintain perspective. I hope I am doing better now. I still miss my little girl like crazy, but I am trying to focus on other things. Take care and thanks for the support! Xx

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