Thursday, February 9, 2017
Nothing to do with miniatures - read at own risk!
I have had an awful 6 months, dealing with the loss of my little princess Tilly. It follows about 6 years of being bored and miserable in my employment. Also, I am really bad at sleeping. This morning I took a walk as soon as I woke up as a pamphlet about sleep habits says it's really useful for getting into good sleep patterns and reducing depression. I have known for years about blue light and orange light and patterns due to seeing a sleep specialist but I guess I just get lazy. I wonder "why bother?". Then today I said mean things about an overweight woman I saw with a respirator. I was sitting here, enjoying a Friday afternoon vodka (apple! Mmmm!) when I realised that part of the self-hate, misery thing is probably partially due to my judgement of others and myself. I know how hard it is to lose weight. I am not fat, but I have a higher body fat percentage than I'd like. I have made the new year's resolution for the last few years to not judge people, and I largely kept that up, but I didn't make a resolution this year. I think I need to commit to that again this year - to not judge others and also not judge myself. I don't know that lady's circumstances. I know life can be really hard. I know that bad things happen to good people, and good things happen to bad people. I don't even know what triggered this thought process. All I know is that I need to change my thoughts and be happier. Anyone got something they'd like to say? Any resolutions you'd like to try out, even though we're in February?
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Dear Shannon, This year I resolved to actually know the date. Now I know this seems simple but a year or so ago I was out with my Mother to lunch and she took a little turn. I rushed her to the local clinic and the doc proceeded to ask her questions like: What year is it - that was a cinch for me - what day is it- got that one - what is the date? Mmmm - that was harder . Then - who is the prime minister (of Australia- mmmmmm). I actually do not know I thought. My Mother answered all the questions correctly. Doc could then take her descriptions of her conditions and medications seriously.
ReplyDeleteI decided I should make a resolution to be more aware - so knowing the date was a beginning of that commitment of being more aware.
I'm trying and I now know the Prime Minister of Australia's name and of course I always knew the Canadian PM.
I think being accepting of those around us as they are allows them to shine in their own way.
It is so true that we do not know what has happened in the lives of others - just sometimes they give us the gift of sharing their lives with us.
Thinking of you and hoping the sun will shine on you.
Regards Janine - presently in Qld
Thanks Janine, and that is a great but also very challenging resolution. It's so easy to get so focused on what is happening in your own life that you miss what is going on around you. I think many of us are guilty of looking and not seeing, or listening without hearing. And regarding the PM, to be fair, we have had so many prime minister changes in the last 10 years, it's not surprising that no-one can keep up! Let's not even go into the fact that Trump doesn't even know the name of the prime minister and thinks he's actually a president.
DeleteThanks for sharing your story. I hope that you have a great break and that you are enjoying the Queensland heat. Cheers, Shannon xx
The first way to change something is to recognize that it is a problem. So you are off to a good start. Also, I do think one crabby thought leads to another, then another and so on. Funny how it takes a bit more effort to make happy thoughts to multiple but once you are turned on to making a effort to keep them going it gets easier. It is a bit like exercise. Muscles to be toned.
ReplyDeleteYou are on a good path!
Thanks for the encouragement Lisa! Yes you are so right that these things snowball. I hadn't thought about it like that. I also had the thought to say one nice thing about myself every day, although I am sure it will feel forced and weird to start with! I feel silly to be sad when my life is actually pretty great (other than my dog dying). I guess you let one thing get you down which starts a bit of a spiral as they say. Onwards and upwards, right? Xx
DeleteHey Shannon,
ReplyDeleteMy resolution was to try and get healthier, mentally, physically and emotionally because they all feed on each other. And to try to enjoy my life. Not feeling guilty because I haven't accomplished something or I don't do what 'everyone' thinks is important.
It's harder than you'd think. We tend to judge others, but we can also be very judgmental about ourselves. So I'm trying to give myself a break, without giving in to the temptation to become sloth-like due to inactivity.
So I guess the best resolution is to try and love myself a little more.
Hello Sheila. That's a great and heartfelt resolution. You are so right that everything is interlinked - physical, mental, emotional. We are all complex systems! It is hard to motivate yourself for things like exercise though. I find writing a plan helps, sticking it to the fridge. If you have an Xbox with Kinect, I find Dance Central a really fantastic and fun way to exercise. And I think when you make positive changes and start seeing the benefits, it becomes easier to keep going and make good decisions. Thankyou for sharing. It seems we are all probably a little too hard on ourselves. Xx
DeleteShannon,
ReplyDeleteOne of the hardest things I've strived to do in recent years is not judging. It's actually very difficult! It started when I had my little one, and realized women judge each other terribly and in turn treat ourselves terribly too. I recently added to the equation (when I start to judge) an additional question, why am I judging them? It's usually a reflection on something I'm unhappy about in myself. And that reality sucks. Lol. But it's enlightening because then it gets me thinking about bringing a positive thought or change idea into my head. I've also pushed myself to be more charitable. Simple kind acts like baking cookies for a neighbour, helping someone with a door, asking a new mom how she is feeling, etc. I've found putting the focus on others has greatly improved my world. That said, don't start judging yourself for judging people or judging yourself for "failing". It's a challenging resolution!!! In my humble opinion, your post sounds like you're looking for more happiness and light in your life. I encourage you to push yourself to try something new!
Have you considered teaching a mini class at a retirement home? Or a mini class somewhere like a library or community centre? It would blend your talent, your mind and get you more connected with yourself and those around you.
The hardest step is the first step. I hope my ramblings show you that you're not alone. But I think this post shows your ready to bring that change into your life! Xxxoo Kat
Hi Kat. You are right I think, we judge others on the same things that we feel are wrong with us. Perhaps it's a weird form of kinship?? I hope not! Haha! And I agree that pushing the thought from your mind and replacing it with a kind thought is the way to get off the hate treadmill. I talked to a career transition counsellor a couple of times and he said you need to push the constant brain chatter and old thoughts out in order to allow new ideas to form. And he was right. He also said what you are saying - to try new things. That was why I took up painting classes. I am still not good at receiving praise but I am working on it! Thanks for sharing Kat. Xx
DeleteHi Shannon - It is when we are in a bad place ourselves that we look at the world with a critical eye. Don't beat yourself up too bad.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure where you fall with regard to faith, but let's just say that most faiths encourage us to love one another. Why? It's because we are all on different learning paths, and all at different points in our spiritual growth. Some people have not come to realize yet whatyou already know at the core of your being.
My faith teaches us that it is important to love a person exactly where they're at. This is tricky, but you'll find that the more acceptance and less judgement that you direct towards others, the more you end up loving and accepting yourself. You spread good things at the same time that you are healing your own wounds.
The fact that it bothers you is important. You are ready for the next level of love. A deeper one with a whole new meaning. The next time you are in a situation where a person's condition makes you angry or critical, think of them as a child who does not have the wisdom about that thing that you do. Instead of judging, say a little positive prayer for them, then be grateful that that is not a lesson that you are having to walk through.
Big hugs to you! You are not a bad person, you are just one who is becoming wiser!
Jodi
Thanks Jodi, and you are very right. I am not religious, but everything you say about loving and accepting people is right. I will work on accepting others as they are and myself too. I know no-one is perfect, but I need to remember that I do good things, even if occasionally I do the wrong thing. We are all just people aren't we? Some people probably just need a little more love in their lives and a kind word or gesture might be just what they need. Thanks for your understanding. Xx
DeleteHi Shannon
ReplyDeleteI think that it has taken a lot of inner courage to be able to write this post. It is not always easy to admit our own failings to ourselves, let alone publishing it on-line, so I am giving you a virtual High Five for having taken the risk.
I too have an inherent judgmental streak running through me and a quick temper too. I feel like I am constantly fighting my way upstream against my own controlling nature, which takes an enormous amount of energy to sustain. So my Resolve is to TRY and not let Little Irritations fester under my skin, as well as to try to be more understanding regarding the motives of others.
My ultimate goal though, is to try to think More as Jesus would; which for me is a daily challenge, however just as you've said, "changing our thoughts" will allow us to "be happier".
Thank You for this post!
elizabeth
Thanks Elizabeth! High five gratefully accepted and returned! I wondered whether I should post this, but then I just needed to get it out. With all the amazing comments, I am starting to wonder why we are all so judgemental. Is it symptomatic of modern society? Are we all so competitive that we start judging others? Or are we glorifying others, thinking they are more "perfect" than they really are? I don't know. I agree that we need to try to understand people a little more and acknowledge that we're all different. I think I should think less in general! Haha! Have a great weekend! Xxx
DeleteHey honey!
ReplyDeleteDon't beat yourself up. Life is tough enough without adding more pressure.
I gave up on resolutions years ago in a bid to reduce the self inflicted disappointment I'd feel shortly after making them!
Perhaps it's more common with us "creative types", to be overly critical at our own work, and thus, at ourselves? We know in our minds eye the perfection we wish to create but when there's a bump in the road it gives us a temporary sense of release to exhale and throw some criticism at others, regardless of their affliction. The guilt swiftly follows and thus the circle is complete - you're own frustrations are thrown back at you. None of us have the answers, just our individual experiences. BUT, always remember, despite physical distances and even those created in this modern world of hitech communications, we're all the same, and we all care. To be honest, I marvel at your honesty and courage to post this. Stay strong - tomorrow is another day.
HUGS
Hi Si. I am overwhelmed with the support from my dear readers, and it is interesting that so many others have the exact same issues. Is it partially to do with our modern, competetive world? I do think you are right that we strive for perfection but aren't happen when we think we've fallen short. I set me resolution as I find I keep it in the forefront of my mind that way. I don't make any that are unachievable and I try to make only one or two. Thanks for the encouragement and support! Hope you are having a great weekend. Xx
DeleteI agree, I'm sure it has something to do with this competitive world we live in. Every social media platform has a degree of competitiveness built into it, as does our chosen hobby, to some degree. this, combined with our own harsh self criticism make for a tricky playing field. I think if we were all as open as you we'd be hard pressed to say we hadn't done the same thing at one time or another.
DeleteWe're having a great weekend, thanks. We have snow so we're watching the birds feed and reading.
Try and switch off for a bit and allow yourself some time to relax.
Hugs xx
People are people at the end of the day, and we all have short-comings and make mistakes. Learning to move on is the key! Finding something else more productive to think about helps. Like minis! Haha! Sounds like a lovely weekend. It is Monday here again, so back to work. I got our laundry tidied and sorted out a bit, which was a big relief! It was a mess. Xx
DeleteI have been doing a lot of meditation in the past few months. That has made me realized that every time I am critical of someone it is something I need to work on myself. So, I am now focusing on improving myself.
ReplyDeleteI think this is the key - focus on ourselves, and trying to take positive action to change the way we treat ourselves. I must try meditation. And maybe yoga. Lots of people have suggested that to me as well. Take care and keep up the good work!
DeleteSleep issues, depression, self hate, trouble keeping weight down.... Those are classic symptoms of being insulin resistant. Treat that and the symptoms will go away because your body chemistry will have come back into balance. Talk to your doctor about treating that condition.
ReplyDeleteHi Karin. I think I have had diabetes tests in the (fairly recent) past but will check next time I see a doctor. I have had sleep tests and I have restless leg. And I think about stuff during the night. If I stick to a routine, I am much better, but I get lazy. I have had trouble since I was about 16, which is apparently pretty common. But thanks for the heads up, I'll follow it up. Xx
DeleteShannon, la vida a veces es dura de llevar, y cambia nuestros planes por unas razones u otras. Yo solamente trato de llevar lo mejor posible cada dÃa, y como propósito, hacer SIEMPRE alguna miniatura. Para mi son medicina y golosina, y me ayudan mucho en los malos momentos...Un beso
ReplyDeleteHi Maria. I agree - focus on one day at a time! I always have good intentions of doing some minis or sewing but sometimes I am just too tired. But when I do get started, even if I am tired, I find it very therapeutic. I forget about life for a little while and it helps to make something beautiful at the end of a day. Xx
ReplyDeleteHi Shannon,
ReplyDeleteClicked on your BLOG link from the forum. I struggle with the same issues you described. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your struggles. Sleep deprivation is an ugly monster, but it is good that you walked and got some fresh air.
Hi Carrie. Thanks for taking the time to comment and I am sorry you deal with the same problems. Tiredness can really make it hard to cope with everyday stresses and it can be really hard to maintain perspective. I hope I am doing better now. I still miss my little girl like crazy, but I am trying to focus on other things. Take care and thanks for the support! Xx
DeleteOh Shannon, I hear you loud and clear and have most of these issues myself. I put on an extroverted act, but inside I'm a quivering mass of self doubt and anxiety. Self-hate is a big one... I have a constant internal dialog of self criticisms going on. "why did you do that, you are such an idiot, you have no self control, what's wrong with you, your lazy, your fat, you not a nice person, you are terrible at your job, you have a good life why are you unhappy, you are so ungrateful.." it goes on and on and it wears you down, emotionally and physically. I too suffer from insomnia (too much thinking) and I really struggle with motivation, particularly at work as I don't enjoy my job anymore either. But really I'm a master procrastinator and I hate that. Couple all that with being naturally pessimistic in nature.. If you expect the worst you can't be disappointed right? And you have a recipe for depression and anxiety. Don't discount the grief caused by the loss of you fur baby.. I've read that the loss of an animal companion can be just as bad as a human loss and some companies now even offer bereavement leave for pet owners. It's a massive loss and would definitely be adding to your symptoms. I used to be quite judgemental of others as well but I seem to have mellowed on that as I have gotten older.. Sometimes I think that I don't judge anymore because I just don't care about anything or anyone enough to be bothered to judge them.. but I hope, it's just that my life experiences have taught me to be more tolerant. :)
ReplyDeleteChin up lovely, I think you are way too hard on yourself and from what I've seen are a lovely, caring, helpful person. Don't let your inner voice tell you otherwise... Now if I could just take my own advice. :)
Thanks for your lovely comments Sam. I know we are all our own worst critics. Everything you've said are things I feel a lot of the time. I guess I try not to think about these things too much but that is hard to do too. I loved my little girl more than I have loved anyone except for my mum I think, so her loss was major, but you also know from the start you will only have them for a certain amount of time. I miss her terribly. I know there are a lot of great things in the world - seeing what people do with miniatures always cheers me up - but there just seems to be so much sadness too. Anyway, one foot in front of the other right? Apparently you get happier as you get older. I guess as you said, you tend to let things go when you have more life experiences. 'Not caring' is probably part of that getting older and realising these little things don't really matter. I remind myself of the good things I do and try not to make other miserable. Sam, I think your not judging people is a great forward step. And making minis helps keep your mind off these things. Take care xxxx.
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